Izetta Ep 5: You are not making this easy for me!


Episode 5:

When Spot (or is it Petey?) is captured by the evil dog-catcher, Spanky, Alfalfa and the gang put on a play to raise money to bail their dog out of the pound. Can they pull it off before the loveable pooch faces the doggy gas chamber?



Shuumatsu no Izetta is not making it easy for me. I really wanted to like this thing but my interest is slipping. The plot is wonky; compared to a battle-fanboy exercise like Full Metal Panic or even Gate: Jieitai… we have Izetta riding her gun, explosions  and then …. Stuff. Then they do some other stuff. Or something. At least Izetta has learned to make the big sharp things go fast enough to nail panzer tanks.



At one point over the weekend, I contemplated assembling a sequence of screencaps that would demonstrate how much Izetta‘s plotting owed to the ancient ALLYOURBASE internet video meme. The battle sequences in Ep3 also cried out for an AMV to the tune of Harry Belafonte’s Shake Senora.

(She come down in slow motion…)

The entire PR/ Ghost Army/ Joan of Arc Witch/ disinformation/ deterrence brainwave is a massive fail. A play to bail the pooch out of the pound.

Worse; If I wanted to start grinding on my particular limited patch of  “gender theory” (why the straight boys and girls cheer on the faux-gay) there ain’t a lot of that here either. Yeah sure; yuri-esque pics in the ending credits, some skinship and fanservice and an off-the-shelf “they were BFF’s when kids, then separated.” Yawn. About as interesting as scanning a Twitter search for the show and finding comments that announce “It’s got gay, I’m watching it“.

So there ain’t enough interesting stuff on the battlefield and there ain’t enough yuri. Sure, two young women can just be friends too but they ain’t very good at doing that either.

Worse; 5 episodes into a cours of 13, there is no way in heck that Elystadt can end alt-WWII in time to save the day. So it is either “Our Battle Continues” or the US of Atlanta as well as the the democratic, non-colonialist, slightly liberal-left parliamentary monarchy of Alt-Nihon are both up to their fannies in hidden strike witches who are going to ride in (like Valkyries) to save the day and impose World Peace.

New Yuri World Witch Order. (I insist on cute witch hats too)

Which wouldn’t be too bad a way to fix this slow motion mess.

Right now Izetta is slowly drowning in a vat of vanilla and treacle.

Time to GO FREAK or GO HOME.

Izetta Map mod found on Twitter, Google image search sez Pumpkinspicedeep (@captainjuggy)

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